Did you know that the German language has a word that describes the emotional pleasure other people get in response to another person's pain? It's called schadenfreude, and it plays out every single day. Think about how popular those bloopers shows are - how some people gut laugh when they watch another fall in a less than dignified way. You know what I call those people? Unkind. Are you so insecure about your own place in this world that watching someone else make a fool of themselves literally brings you joy? Shameful.
An example here in my little town of Iowa was at a choral music concert we attended the other night. When the conductor raised her baton, it dropped out of her hand onto the stage. There were chuckles throughout the audience. Supposedly, Iowa nice is a thing. You know why I have a problem with Iowa nice? Anyone can fake it. Literally anyone can say excuse me, or smile and nod, or give a friendly wave. I prefer kind. Kind means actions not just words and progress towards helping with real human needs. Don't just pretend that you care. Back your words up with action. In my post Love First from February 2023, I address just what it means to back words with action. Schadenfreude happened to me the other day at the pharmacy. I was getting a prescription filled and I happened to drop my debit card on the floor when I went to hand it to the clerk. She burst out laughing when I bent to retrieve it. And I don't know what it was in that moment, but I fought back. My green eyes flashing I looked her straight in the eye, "Do you think it's funny when someone drops something, because I don't." The clerk immediately straightened her smile and replied that no, she didn't think it was funny. Schadenfreude also happened in my workplace this week. I have a student who has severe behaviors that we are working to help him find coping skills with. His emotions get so big sometimes, that we have to prompt him to, "Breathe, not scream." The other day, he skipped the breathing and defaulted straight to screaming. As he left the room, I followed the sound waves of his screaming towards the front office where another teacher was standing with her well behaved pupils in line. The smug smile on her face, spoke volumes about what she was thinking. While I've learned not to let others' opinions ruffle me, her attitude bothered me, nonetheless. She doesn't know the background of how this student doesn't sleep well at night and brings that exhaustion to school every day; or how we practice calm down strategies in our class every day to help the student recognize and regulate their behavior; or how on this one occasion we had a loss but, over time, we've had so many wins where he does choose to breathe first. Since Jack's death, I've cut a lot out of my life - foolish people; looking for affirmation and approval in the wrong places; caring what the pretenders in life think of me - those who judge first instead of loving first. I have one question for those of you who play nice but, inside, your hearts are ugly and dark. What's so wrong with you that you have to cut another person down to make yourself feel taller? I also have a warning. The kindest and best of humanity has your number, so you better watch out. We will fight back against how you, specifically, take pleasure in other's pain. Being kind isn't a weakness, it's a strength and it's the best antidote I know against schadenfreude. Be kind. It matters.
0 Comments
|