This past spring, my family and I visited Adventureland for the first time ever. We figured that since we were so close, why not take advantage of the opportunity.  At the time it sounded like such a good idea--a chance to do a little family bonding on a beautiful, spring day.

At first I was having a blast. The crowd was small  and we weren't having to fight the masses or stand in winding lines. The first ride we got on was my personal favorite, the ferris wheel. Though it does go a little too high for my comfort, still it's pretty tame as far as rides go. From the ferris wheel, we roamed further into the park. As we walked along, I breathed in the sunshine and enjoyed the atmosphere around me. That is, until we came upon what would be our next ride, The Space Shot. My first ride of this nature in years.

I guess it would be good to let you know at this point that I'm not much of a risk taker. I don't like ups and downs. So the fact that  it was called the Space Shot should have been my first clue that I was not going to enjoy it. In fact, as I was being strapped in by the harness, I began to have second thoughts.

By that point, it was too late. The nervousness that rumbled deep inside of me, rocketed into full blown terror as the ride shot into the air and plunged back towards earth. My heart jumped about a mile above the ground and didn't return to my body until the ride was over. Getting safely onto ground, I stood on shaky legs and breathed a deep sigh of relief. At least I'd survived. But as we continued to walk deeper into the park, I knew the rest of the day was going to be anything but relaxing.

The next ride we got on was a roller coaster called the Outlaw, one of Adventureland's older, more "tame" roller coasters. It was a rickety, old one, and as the rails click-clacked up that first hill up, I gripped the bar tightly and held on for dear life. The plunge was terrifying. I am not a hands-in-the air girl, but beside me my daughter threw hers up in ecstasy and screeched in absolute delight. Meanwhile, I screamed my lungs out and tried desperately not to toss my cookies.

Some people love roller coasters. Not me. I've always been a play-it-safe kind of girl. I like the straightaways, no surprises, no dips, no steep climbs for me. No, sir.

In fact, that pretty much sums up life for me. I like straight, level paths. I don't even care for little bumps along the way. In fact, if my life would operate as one, long smooth sail, I'd be perfectly happy. Unfortunately in life nothing operates exactly like that. In fact, it's probably more precise to compare life to a roller coaster. There are steep climbs followed by exhilarating, terrifying plunges. It's just life. It's just part of the deal.

Remember that clip in the movie, Parenthood, where the Grandma talks about how life is so much better as a roller coaster than a merry-go-round. If you've never seen it, take time to watch it now. It's well worth your time.

Love that clip. Love that analogy. No, roller coasters aren't my favorite ride, but that's part of the deal of life that I really can't get around. So instead of fighting it and letting it terrify me, I'm going to try to enjoy the ride of life even with all its ups and downs. After all, it's the climb that makes life interesting. It's the plunges that make life fun. The twists. The turns. They all serve to give a pretty good ride, if I would just learn to relax and enjoy them.

Don't be like me, a merry-go-round girl. Learn to accept the highs and lows of life.  More importantly, learn to enjoy each and every moment--whether terrifying or exhilarating and make the most of this ride we call life.

The dog is snoring at my feet just as he has been for the last six weeks. As I sit here typing this I’m just going to catch my breath for a moment. It has been a long, grueling six weeks. Six intense weeks of studying, and writing papers, and reading articles and developing power points. Yikes! But I made it. I’m on the other side of things and once again, God has proven his faithfulness. Two A’s and a B+. Not bad for a jam-packed, academic adventure.

Before the outset of this adventure, I wrote about my fears for the upcoming weeks. How was I going to make it through? I worried, which, if you know me, is nothing new. But I also kept in mind that if I just clung to it, God’s mercy, grace and peace were there for me in abundance. I knew that if I could keep that knowledge close to my heart, I would do more than just survive.

The thing about God’s grace and mercy is that they’re constant. Eternal. Ever present. They’re the very reality of who God is. But to keep a quiet heart, to have his peace at the center of everything I do, well, I think that’s a little bit up to me. I mean his peace is always there full and available. But the thing is, will I take it, will I keep it, will I trust it?

I’m currently reading through and journaling in a Bible that I plan to give to my son someday. I just finished the book of Genesis this morning. One of my favorite things about the book of Genesis is the fact that there are all these stories about the great heroes of faith—people just like you and me who struggled in their day to day living. People like Noah and Abraham, Issac and Jacob. I know their stories well. And as I’ve been reading through this book, it struck me that none of their lives were easy. They all struggled in one way or another. But the great thing about reading their stories is seeing how God provided for them through each and every struggle they faced. When they came to the end of their days, it’s apparent, they didn’t go through their journey alone. God’s grace, mercy and peace were there with them every step of the way, just as it is for us.

But it’s easy to forget that in the midst of our difficulties, strivings, frettings and fussings. And In the day to day drudgery of life, it’s very difficult to operate out of a quiet spirit. That’s where the quote from one of my all-time favorite Christian authors, C.S. Lewis comes in:

“It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind.”

Coming in out of the wind. So how exactly does one do that? For me it has to happen straight away in the morning. It’s very much so about how I start my day. Quiet time. it’s more than just a Christian catch phrase. It’s a very real way to function in a world that sweeps us up all too often in its chaos and confusion.

For me it looks like this. On my busy days, five minutes, tops, I sit down, read a chapter or passage or even a single verse and let God speak to me through it. Then I take another minute or so and pray to God about my day. Nothing big. Nothing fancy. Just simple words expressed from my heart. My worries, fears, struggles, I just lay them out before him. Then, I finish by saying a couple of verses to myself. After that, I start my day.

The thing about a quiet time is it doesn’t have to be extravagant. It doesn’t have to be lengthy. But for me it’s more important than even that morning cup of coffee. It’s how I start my day, every day. Even when I’m busy, even when life is frantically rushing around me. That’s how I keep God’s peace close to my heart. That’s how I come in out of the wind.

As I sign off for this week, I hope that you will take to heart what I’ve written and practice coming in out of the wind each and every day. Then you will know God’s mercy, grace and peace like you’ve never known it before. May that mercy, grace and peace be yours in abundance my friends! Till next time.

Hello All! Just me coming up for a quick breath of air until I dive back down into the depths of my studying. Hope all is well for you. I'm hanging in there. Only two weeks left to go 'til I'm done with my classes. This is the first time, I've sat at my computer to write something I truly wanted to write. But, I won't complain, because God is good. Here's why I'm writing this brief post. I have a quote I'm sharing that I want you to be thinking about these next couple of weeks.

Don't worry, I plan on writing about it two weeks from now, but sometimes it's nice to get a head start, right? Our world is a busy one--a distracted busy place. For these next couple of weeks, I want you to consider the quote below and start practicing some good old fashioned "stillness".

“It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind.”

Finally, do me a favor. Comment back and let me know how that coming in out of the wind thing is working for you. I really want to know. "See you" in a couple of weeks!

“Grace mercy and peace from God the Father and from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.”

These were the words the pastor at the church I grew up in uttered at the beginning of every sermon, every Sunday, for as far back as I can remember. Even as a young child, I admired the phrase. There was something so comforting and familiar about the words. It was like an utterance of God’s love reaching out to me. It wasn’t a benediction, but rather an invitation to sit back and soak in that love. The dust dancing through the sunshine mesmerized me as I settled into the creaky pew ready to hear the message that would encourage, inspire and, hopefully, remind me of how much I was loved.

But though I appreciated the words, I’m not sure that as a child I truly understood their significance, or even their meaning. In fact, until I stumbled upon them again the other day, I really hadn’t given much thought to the phrase, grace, mercy and peace. In the past, I thought of that phrase as a sort of holy greeting—a religious hello you might say, but nothing more.

But the neat thing about God’s word is that it’s always teaching us, always training us, always leading us into new knowledge. So, the other day, when I read these words in 2nd Timothy, I gained a new understanding and appreciation for the phrase: grace, mercy and peace.

To Timothy, my dear son: Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord (2nd Timothy 1:2 )
 
In two days, I will begin not one, not two, but three master’s level courses. To say that I am a bit worried would be an understatement. In a summer session, the content of a semester is crammed into six short weeks and, for me, that intensity will be multiplied times three.

While I’m not sure how it’s going to go, here’s what I do know. God’s grace is there for me. He’s going to be there to help me through the difficult days ahead. His mercy will be there, even when I mess up or feel I haven’t done something well. And maybe, most importantly, his peace is there for me.

You see, I don’t think God wants me to be a nervous wreck over this situation. I don’t think he wants me to be afraid. I think he very much so wants me to trust him and rest in his perfect peace.

Grace, mercy and peace. That’s what God has to offer us each and every day of our lives. Grace for the difficult moments, mercy for when we’ve screwed up, peace to guard our hearts and minds and keep us focused on the truth—the truth that we are deeply and dearly loved and that nothing can every separate us from that love. (Romans 8:38)

A few weeks ago, I wrote about what God was teaching me about stress, What God's Teaching Me About Being Stressed Out. That was when I was preparing a big project for the class I was taking. I think I’ll take a cue from those days and remember that stressing out is not of God. Trust is. Faith is. May you remember that as well in the days ahead. No matter what you’re facing, may God’s grace, mercy and peace be yours in abundance. Amen.

Have you ever felt that when life dealt you a tough blow, things were a little unfair? Whether you feel God was behind it, or it was a man-inspired struggle, tough bumps in the road are made even more so when we feel there is someone or something to blame for our misery.

If you’ve followed any of my blogs you know that back in December my family moved from our beautiful home in NE. I wrote about these changes in Coming Soon and It's okay to not be okay. This move wasn’t easy for many reasons.  Mainly though, it was because we had been settled, happy and content to spend our days in a place we’d called home for several years. But, as so often happens in life, things don’t always turn out the way you think they will.

In today’s post, though, I don’t want to focus on the why’s and how’s of what brought us to Iowa. No, I want to focus on something better—on God, on his plan and how he’s worked even the toughest bumps we’ve been through these past several months for our good.

For starters, I have an amazing job to look forward to this upcoming school year. And really it wouldn’t have been possible but for my nine-year-old daughter mentioning that I was a teacher, which led to an associate’s job, which led to my upcoming position of a special education teacher at her school.

The move was also a much-needed reset for my son who was being bullied and having some other issues at school. Had we not gotten out of that situation, he could very well still be dealing with the messiness of all of that.

My daughter is beginning to make friends and though we haven’t seen huge changes for her, I know that there are things going on behind the scenes that I’m not even aware of yet. As for my husband, he has a stable and fulfilling job at a local hospital where he too is thriving and enjoying the work before him.

So yea, we weren’t expecting this move, but I can’t say it hasn’t been good. In many ways, it’s brought a lot of unexpected blessings into our lives.

This move being worked together for our good reminds me of a great story in the Bible, the story of one of my all-time favorite characters, Joseph. I mentioned him recently in another post, Hidden Moments, but I love his story so much, I’ll focus on it again.

The story of Joseph has always been a favorite of mine. Mostly because of how he chooses to forgive his brothers even after they sold him into slavery after nearly deciding to kill him.

But years later when the brothers reenter Joseph’s story, Joseph, who is now 2nd in command in all of Egypt, chooses to forgive them saying:

20 As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people[a] should be kept alive, as they are today.
 
 You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Romans 8:28:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

All things—even the bad and the ugly.

This past week, I traveled back to NE for a doctor’s appointment. I couldn’t help but feel a bit sad and nostalgic as we drove past our old house and some of our favorite haunts, including Runza and their world-famous fries as well as the local pool. While driving past so many of our favorite places, I got choked up a time or two.

But as I was driving back home, because, honestly, IA is feeling more and more like home, I was reminded that we serve a good God—a God who works all things together for our good. Remember that next time life knocks you down. You serve a God who can take even the most evil of circumstances and work good through them. If you believe that, you will weather any storm in life no matter how severe.

I have been struggling again as of late, with depression. It sucks. I am tired of taking medication. I am sick of being bipolar, and I wish I could have someone else’s life right now. Can you tell I am having a pity party these days?

For those of you who don’t know my story, here it is. When I was thirty-one years old, I was diagnosed bipolar. It’s not something I’m ashamed of. It’s a truth that I am proud to share, and I hope it will give you pause to realize mental health is not about mental weaknesses, or lack of character or even about mental disorders. Mental health is about medical health, it’s a disorder of the human body and as such it deserves a post from me this week.

Being bipolar is not something I focus on a lot these days. I admit life is good for me. I don’t struggle often with debilitating depression or spend my days in the grips of mania. No, for me these days it’s pretty smooth sailing, a fact that I am grateful for every day.

But life hasn’t always been that way for me. There were many years that were an absolute nightmare. Really, a living nightmare. I was suicidal. I struggled with debilitating anxiety. I had many a sleepless, manic night. For me, life was one long endless day of agony. I could barely function.

But people didn’t know that about me. I was good at hiding my misery behind endless smiles and “I’m good,” responses to the “How are you’s,” we ask of each other.

I was dying inside, but no one knew it. I don’t know why I didn’t share. I think I was embarrassed and more than a little bit ashamed of my condition. If people saw what was going inside of me, I was pretty sure they would lock me up.

In fact, one afternoon while visiting a friend in the hospital, I stopped on the wrong floor and realized that I was on the psychiatric unit. A sense of shame and embarrassment filled me. This was me, though no one knew. I was crazy and that understanding filled me with shame.

Shame. Embarrassment. Fear. Loathing for myself. These were the emotions that filled my thoughts and feelings about myself every day. And so I suffered on and on in silence.

People have asked me why I’m so up front about my diagnosis. It’s because I’m not ashamed any more. I’m not embarrassed, and I don’t loathe myself. I am healthy. I am on medication that works for me, and I love life.

I don’t want one person to have to suffer silently like I did those many long years. You can recover. You can lead a healthy and productive life. Stop trying to hide behind those fake smiles and “I’m all rights.” Most importantly remember, there is hope. There is always hope. So, reach out and get the help you need and stop living life in the shadows. Step into the light of the truth that being mentally ill is not your fault and let that truth set you, your mind and your heart free forever.

Remember the story of Joseph—how he went from a favored son, to a slave, to a household legend, to a prisoner, and then finally to second in command over all of Egypt?

Do you ever wonder as I do, why God dragged him through the mud so much? What he was trying to accomplish in Joseph’s life during those down times?

Lately, I’ve been thinking about Joseph’s story, the ups and downs of his life and wondering if there was a reason he went through all he did—maybe there was a point to his becoming a slave and later on a prisoner.

I think what impresses me most about Joseph is the fact that no matter where he was in life, no matter who was watching, he gave everything his best effort. His absolute best. And after a while, people began to notice. Potiphar noticed and put Joseph in charge of his household. When Joseph was sent to prison, the jailer noticed and made Joseph a kind of honorary deputy. Finally, Pharaoh, king of all the land, noticed and put Joseph in charge of everything, except himself of course.

So what’s the point of my rambling. Well, it’s this. My time as a stay-at-home mom is coming to a close. Next year I will be teaching full time as a special education teacher. I’m super excited. This is what I’ve been working toward and waiting for these last couple of years. It’s been a long process and it’s good to know I’m on the other side of it.

But here’s my point, all those years that I was a stay-at-home mom, no one saw what I did. No one noticed if I put in extra effort, extra hours, extra energy to raise my kiddos to be the best they can be. No one paid attention and what’s more, no one probably cared.

But God did.

God paid attention. God cared. And God kept track of what I was doing. I have to believe that all those years of hidden work were his way of preparing me for this next stage in life.

What are you doing now that remains hidden from everyone’s eyes but God’s? What do you do when no one is watching? How do you spend your days? No matter what you’re doing in life right now, remember that your moments matter to God, so make them all count. Even the parts when no one is watching, except, of course, God.

1 Timothy 5:25 New International Version (NIV)

25 In the same way, good deeds are obvious, and even those that are not obvious cannot remain hidden forever.

I think I’ve shared recently that I’m been busy searching for full time teaching positions for the upcoming school year. I’ve applied strictly for special education teaching positions since that is what I’m getting my master’s in. Anyway, I’ve sent out several applications and so far, well, so far, it’s not looking great. No yes’s, no maybe’s, no interviews, no nothing. Quite honestly, I’m frustrated and more than a little tired of applying for jobs.

But here’s the good news. I’m not panicking, I’m not giving up, and I’m not worrying about the future. Mostly, I’m just trusting, trusting that God has a plan. Because he does.

I’m never one to advocate for audibly hearing God’s voice. In fact, I think it’s dangerous ground to stand on to say that God audibly speaks to us on a regular basis. I truly believe that he speaks to us mainly through his Word. Having said that, I think there are times in life when a breath of heaven comes down and whispers something to us, something that our soul needs to hear.

For me it happened this past Good Friday. We were in church and I recall praying at the beginning of the service that God would speak to each one of us in a way that we needed to hear him. Maybe through a confirmation of something, or a word of encouragement, or a truth we needed to remember. Anyway, as the Pastor began to pray, I closed my eyes and prayed along in my spirit.

But, as so often happens during prayer time, my mind began to wander. Mostly, my heart began to fret. I thought about jobs and my future—about what was going to happen. Where would I be next year? Would I have a job? If so, what would it look like? As all these thoughts swirled around threatening to consume me, a sudden sense of peace settled in and I felt this presence speaking to my soul, “I have a plan.”

Four simple words, “I have a plan,” and suddenly my spirits lifted. It was an ah-ha moment. God has a plan. And it wasn’t a generic, I-have-a-plan moment, it was like a general speaking to his troops with a commanding voice, “Men I have a plan.” It felt like God was standing right next to me, a chart of my life in his hands and a secret smile on his face. “Nici, it’s going to be all right. I have a plan.”

God has a plan. For me. For you. No matter what life looks like around you, remember that. Rejoice in that. It is good to know that the One who made you, knows your story and has a plan, an awesome and amazing plan for your life. Trust him and in that knowledge rest in his perfect peace.

Jeremiah 29:11 New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Last week, I diligently sat at my computer eyes straining, neck craned, shoulders tense and fingers poised over my keyboard. In short, I was stressed out. See, I had this big project due for my master’s class and it just wasn’t coming very easily. My words weren’t making sense to me, the research articles I’d found didn’t really fit in with the points I was trying to make. And worst of all, I was running out of time. So, as I sat there in my pool of misery and wretchedness, I felt a sense of overwhelming overwhelmingness. Have you ever felt that way? Completely overwhelmed. Stressed out. Wondering how on earth the thing before you is ever going to get done?

Well, as I sat before my computer, I felt a gentle nudge from God, or maybe it was just a craving for sweets, either way, in my heart—not my head, mind you, because my head never wants to listen to God—but in my heart, I felt this nudge of, 'Okay, Nici, take a break. Walk away, come back to it in a bit. Gain some perspective.'

So, what did I do? I shouted for my kids, “Who wants to go for frozen yogurt?” and my kids who would normally ignore me every other time, miraculously appeared at the top of the steps, smiles on their faces and eagerly nodded their assent that yes, they wanted to go out for yogurt. For a fleeting moment as we got in the car, I was tempted to let the guilt monster take over, but then I thought, 'Why not? It can’t hurt to try it this way, maybe I would feel better if I just took a break.'

Later that day, I even posted a picture on Facebook joking about my choice to go out for frozen yogurt when I had a big project due. But you know what, I’m not so sure that in that moment of complete and utter stressing out, I didn’t do the exact right thing.

Why? Because I came back to my computer, ready to try again. I took a deep breath and dove right in. And I did my best. It wasn’t perfect and it wasn’t, in my mind’s eye, a masterpiece, but it was good. Good enough to get me full points. Full points.

Does it pay to stress out? Does it make things better? Easier? No. In a simple word no. At least it never has worked for me. And I bet if you think about it, you’d agree that, really in the end, it doesn’t do anything for you either.

Don’t stress out. Take a break. Take a breather. Let God get hold of your heart and calm you down. Let God get hold of your brain and slow down your racing thoughts. He’s got this. And in his grace, it really will turn out okay. It always does when we leave it in his hands and stop trying to hoard it in our own.

Ever felt like you were the low man on the totem pole, insignificant, not important, disposable? I admit that it has been easy for me to feel that way about myself at times. But lately, I’ve begun to see the low positions in life can actually be some of the most important.

After my freshman year in college, I worked at a factory where rubber parts were manufactured. It wasn’t exactly a glamorous position. And, admittedly, it was easy to think more highly of myself than those others. After all I was going to college. They weren’t.

But after a while, I began to see things a bit differently. The people I worked with that summer were some of the kindest, most humble and hard-working people I’ve ever known. They looked out for each other and, though I was new, they looked out for me, too.

There was one night when I was working on the line and falling behind on trimming my parts. Panic welled up in me as I fell further and further behind. When one of the other guys on the line walked up, I thought he was going to chew me out. But he didn’t. Instead, he silently grabbed some of my parts and began to trim them, too. No questions asked.

9 Believers who are[a] poor have something to boast about, for God has honored them. 10 And those who are rich should boast that God has humbled them. They will fade away like a little flower in the field.

Currently, I work at my kids’ school as a teacher’s aide. It’s not always the most desirable job. I have two recess duties. And in the winter, it’s cold and windy and snowy. What can I say, it’s Iowa. Sometimes the kids don’t always respect you the best either. After all, you’re not their teacher. It can kind of be a downer—leave me feeling like I’m not valued. But, when I stumbled across the above verse in James 1:9, it reminded me that God looks at things differently than man does.

It’s not bad to be low man on the totem pole. It doesn’t make you weak, or insignificant, or unknown. God knows you. He knows everything you do. He sees it all, and when you do your work willingly and well, he is proud of you.

At the same time, if you have one of those high-profile jobs, it’s easy to look at your status in life and feel overly proud and confident—to look down on those you feel have less important jobs in this world. But as the Scripture says, man looks at the outside, but God looks at our hearts.

Remember Jesus. He was King of Heaven and Earth. But he didn’t stay there. When it was time, he humbled himself, came down to this earth as a little baby and gave up his glory to save you and me.

As Philippians 2:5-8 says:

5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.
6 Though he was God,[a]
    he did not think of equality with God
    as something to cling to.
7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges[b];
    he took the humble position of a slave[c]
    and was born as a human being.
When he appeared in human form,[d]
8     he humbled himself in obedience to God
    and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

It doesn’t matter so much what you do as how you do it. If it’s a job nobody else wants, do it with pride. Make the most of it. Realize that you are important and special in the grand scheme of things, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.

No matter what your station or status in life is, don’t consider yourself more important than others or, on the other end of the spectrum, feel that what you do has no merit or value. We are all children of the same Heavenly Father and in that way, we are equal before him. Equally loved, equally cherished, equally valued. In that knowledge, be and do all that you were meant to on this side of eternity so that, in the end, you can say you lived your years to the fullest whatever your situation in life was.